A Matter of Strength
by Gilmorecrazy04
Summary: Izzy lost the man she was supposed to marry, and now she has to deal with the pain. Does she have the strength to go on? A letter to the Chief and Doctor Baily. Dizzie. Most likely oneshot.


**A/N: This is my first Grey's Anatomy peice, and it just might be my only one. But after the depressing season finale I couldn't help but write something. I guess I needed a little closure of my own. Don't get me wrong, I still can't believe they killed Denny! And I still don't accept it. But here is my take on why Izzie quit/why she did what she did that night and how she is dealing with the loss of Denny. It's in the form of a letter to the chief and Doctor Bailey. I hope you like it. I don't expect a lot of feedback on it however, since it seems most people are Alex/Izzie shippers (HOW?). Feel free to prove me wrong though and review!**

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Dear Cheif and Doctor Bailey,

The world around me is clowdy and has a dream-like quality to it, due to the tears that still cloud my eyes. I am suppose to be over this by now. You aren't supposed to keep crying. Eventually, you are suppose to run out of tears. My heart should being healing. Still tears haunt my eyes daily. I don't bother wiping them away. The dream-like fuzziness keeps the clear, sharp vision away. I don't want reality. All I really want, is the one thing I can't have; Denny. I truly loved him. Afterall, you don't agree to marry someone on a whim unless you shared a deep true love with them. It wasn't a matter of lust. There was nothing to gain over lusting after a heart patient. But love, love isn't something anyone can control. It just happens, sometimes when you most wish it wouldn't. That's how I felt about Denny. Every minute I fell more in love with him, and every minute my heart broke further. If love could be controlled, I wouldn't have loved Denny. It was too much of a gamble, and I didn't have the stomach or heart for it. That's one thing Denny and I shared, a weakness of the heart. Only his was scientifically diagnosed. He needed medical care. I only needed Denny. Alive. But I wasn't given that option. Denny had stolen my heart and left for Heaven with it.

I was never a barbie to Denny. That's what I first loved about him. Every guy I had ever known before him, was in love with my blonde hair and boobs. But not Denny. I wasn't a plastic doll that could be shaped to his desire like I was to all the others. To him I was real. I had skin and blood. And a brain. With Denny, I wasn't flat. I had dimentions. I wasn't a toy that could be easily cast aside. To Denny I was a real person. He made me feel real. And special. And he was the same to me. I meant it when I said that Alex would never amount to half the man Denny was. The sad thing is, I'm not sure I'll ever meet someone who will again. And I'm not sure I want to. Denny was one-in-a-million. And he picked me to marry him.

Denny was the only person I've ever known that was completely one hundred percent honest, one hundred percent of the time. He didn't say things to gain favor. He never had an alterior motive. He was honest to a fault. He told it how it was. It was like he knew there wasn't the time for lies. Life is too short to not tell the truth. There isn't time to fix the lies. He hated me for lying. I tried to be honest like Denny, but I panicked. And he hated it. He hated that he stole some dad's heart for me. I hate it too. The other guy, he had kids, he had a family. But that's what I always wanted. And I saw it being ripped away, so I lied. I'm not sure Denny ever understood why I felt I had to lie. Like I said, he was honest to a fault. And it was a quality I fell hard for. Alex claimed to be honest like that, but I walked in on him with another girl. And as hard as I try, I can't find much honesty in that. Denny was honest. When he said something, he really meant it. I tried to be like that. But I panicked.

That night was one of incredible change for me. I had an infinate amount of hope for the future. Denny proposed. I was getting married. Even before he proposed, I knew. He was the one. I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with that man. I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone. When Alex called, I felt it being ripped away. I could literally feel God pulling Denny up towards him. I wasn't ready to let go. So I became a liar. I hate liars, I always have, but now I am among them. I lied. Because of sheer panic. I loved him. I lied, but I also committed a felony. That night I became a felon. But it was okay, because I was happy. And I was happy because I was in love. I was a fiance. I was going to get married. I was going to walk down the aisle and meet Denny at the end. And that's all I ever wanted. To marry a guy like Denny. I wanted to be Izzy Duquette. So yes, I felt remorse for stealing a heart from a father, I really did. But I was more happy. And that still haunts me. But I'm not going to lie and pretend otherwise. I'm trying to live like Denny nowadays. I was happy and held infinate hope. But in one second all that changed. I changed my dress three times. I wanted him to see me look stunning. I wanted to reassure him that he was right in proposing. I should've known that it didn't matter to Denny Duquette. But I was so used to men who loved Barbies. I had trouble not playing the role. And then I found him. All of my hope and happiness drained right then. I knew. He looked cold and grey. But mostly because of his eyes. They didn't hold that sparkle. I know that sounds cheesy, but that is what told me he was gone. Because his eyes were always laughing. He could be lying sick in a hospital bed, but his eyes still smiled; most of the time. Not that night. Because he was dead.

So now I quit, and for real. Medicine failed me. And I don't have the strength to watch it fail others. All life really is, is a matter of strength. A test to see just how much one person really can endure. You get to add the times when you didn't fall, but subtract those when you did. And I get a negative number. It is a test I fall short on. There is not even enough strength in me to let Denny go. I keep holding on, the tears keep flowing. Because I'm not strong enough to see reality. I'm not strong enough to let Denny leave my heart. I'm not strong enough to watch others have medicine fail them, and to be the cause. To be the one that let it fail. In strength I come up negative. And that's all life is, just a matter of strength. I'm truely sorry for the trouble I've caused you both and the hospital. But I didn't have the strength to let him go. However I lost him anyway. And I don't have the strength for that either.

Sincerely,

"Izzie" Stevens

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** A/N: Thanks for reading. All reviews are highly appreciated.**  



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